Bethany Beach or Ocean City, Maryland?

Both towns face the same moderate Atlantic surf, with lifeguards on duty in summer and the water at its warmest from July into September. Ocean City has the bigger beach: about 16km of soft sand with public access at the end of almost every numbered street. Families wanting more room can move north into the condo stretches.

Bethany Beach has a shorter, quieter strip of pale sand behind its small boardwalk. Its advantage is variety close by, with the undeveloped dunes of Delaware Seashore State Park and calm Inland Bays water for toddlers. Assateague Island's empty beaches are within reach of both, though Ocean City is nearer.

The food is much the same in both towns: steamed blue crabs on paper-covered tables, crab cakes, boardwalk fries and saltwater taffy. Ocean City adds more breakfast diners and chain restaurants along the highway, plus a few more ambitious kitchens on the bayside. Bethany Beach's own choice is small, so its visitors often drive north to Rehoboth Beach for a wider range and a local craft brewing tradition. They can also stop at farm stands for summer corn and peaches.

Neither town is a sightseeing destination. Ocean City's heritage is the boardwalk itself, along with the Life-Saving Station Museum and an early twentieth-century carousel. Bethany Beach offers its carved totem pole, a small collection on its church-camp origins and the wartime watchtowers along the shore. In both places, anyone who wants museums or historic streets has to drive to Lewes or further.

Evenings are where the two towns part company. Bethany Beach keeps its nights quiet on purpose, with no bar district at all. A drink with dinner and a stroll on the boardwalk is the night out, and anyone wanting more drives north to Dewey Beach or south to Ocean City.

Ocean City is the place many of those Bethany visitors end up, because after dark it offers everything its neighbour leaves out. On summer nights the sand-floored bars on the bayside fill at sunset, and the sports bars and dance bars along the Coastal Highway stay full until closing time. Expect beer, DJs and dancing rather than cocktail craft, and a young, loud crowd, especially when the graduates arrive in early June. From October most of it shuts.

Both sit on the same low barrier island of dunes, marsh and shallow bays, and both share Assateague Island's wild ponies as the highlight. Ocean City is the base for offshore sport fishing, with its long tradition of marlin tournaments, as well as sailing and jet skis on the bays. Bethany Beach leans towards quieter outings: kayaking the Inland Bays, surf fishing at Indian River Inlet, and the pine trails of Cape Henlopen and the Great Cypress Swamp a short drive away.

The towns share most of the same small-town outings, so the difference is which way they sit. Bethany Beach is closer to the north: historic Lewes, Rehoboth Beach and the ferry across to Cape May are easy runs, and Dover's colonial green is within reach.

Ocean City looks south and inland. Berlin's main street is a few minutes away, Chincoteague is about an hour, and the Chesapeake towns of St Michaels and Easton are at the edge of a day out. Neither town has a major heritage site within easy reach.

Both are classic family resorts with guarded sand, but Ocean City gives children much more to do. It has two old-fashioned amusement parks on the boardwalk, arcades, go-kart tracks, water parks and themed mini-golf every few blocks. The trade-off is peak-weekend crowds and heavy traffic.

Bethany Beach is smaller, safer-feeling and gentler, built around bike rides, crabbing and free family concerts at the bandstand. For rides, children have to be driven to Rehoboth Beach or Ocean City.

Bethany Beach is compact and flat, so many visitors park the car on arrival and walk or cycle between the house, the beach and the shops for the rest of the week. Ocean City is a 16km strip. The boardwalk and the old downtown by the inlet are easy on foot, and a summer tram helps, but getting between neighbourhoods means the wide, unpleasant Coastal Highway or the town bus.

Beyond the town limits the two are alike. Neither has a train, and day trips, big supermarkets and Assateague all need a car.

Shopping is a sideline in both. Bethany Beach has a short row of boutiques, surf shops and bookshops, and Delaware's tax-free outlet malls outside Rehoboth Beach are a short drive north. Ocean City's boardwalk runs to T-shirts, sunglasses and fudge, with bayside shopping villages and an outlet centre across the bridge.

Ocean City is the easier place to keep costs down. It is a resort for middle-income families, with older motels a few blocks back from the sea, cheap boardwalk food and an inexpensive town bus.

Bethany Beach is mainly weekly beach-house rentals, with few hotels. The houses near the ocean are expensive in July and August. Self-catering and the lack of sales tax help, and in both towns June and September cost far less than midsummer.

Bethany Beach has no stage of its own. Anything beyond the bandstand means driving to Rehoboth Beach for its small community theatre or its long-running autumn jazz festival.

Ocean City keeps its entertainment in town, with touring comedians and tribute acts at the convention-centre theatre and cover bands in plenty of bars. Both share the same summer pleasure, a free evening concert at the bandstand by the boardwalk, and neither has an orchestra or a theatre company.

Bethany Beach is by far the calmer place to unwind. Its leafy residential streets and quiet evening boardwalk set a slow pace, and in spring and autumn the town goes almost silent. Spas are scarce in both towns, so the atmosphere is what matters here.

Ocean City in high summer is noisy with traffic and late bar crowds. Calm there means staying in the northern condo stretches, or taking an early walk on the beach in the shoulder months.