Bethany Beach or Cape May?

For swimming the two are evenly matched. Each has a long lifeguarded strip of sand on the open Atlantic with fairly gentle surf, and the water is equally warm by late summer. Bethany Beach's sand is wide and pale, with a short boardwalk behind it. Within half an hour you can reach the undeveloped dunes of Delaware Seashore State Park, quiet Fenwick Island, or the calm Inland Bays for toddlers.

Cape May's oceanfront runs along a promenade rather than a boardwalk. It has a curiosity Bethany lacks: on the bay side at Sunset Beach, people search for quartz pebbles known as Cape May diamonds, and the beaches at the Point are calmer. Its peak weekends are more crowded, and if you want bigger, busier sand the Wildwoods are just up the road.

Neither town is a reason to travel for food, and they are close, but the cooking is different. Bethany Beach is about blue crabs steamed and eaten off paper at picnic tables, fried clams and boardwalk fries. The choice in town is small, so for a proper night out people head to Rehoboth's restaurants and breweries.

Cape May is a working fishing port, so scallops, flounder and local oysters appear everywhere from dockside shacks to dining rooms in restored Victorian houses. Breakfast on a guesthouse porch is part of the stay. Expect queues for dinner in summer.

This is where the two differ most. Cape May's streets of gingerbread cottages and porched hotels form a National Historic Landmark district. You can see them on walking or trolley tours, then visit the Emlen Physick Estate and climb the lighthouse at the Point. Together that fills a day or two.

Bethany Beach has its carved totem pole and a small collection on its origins as a church camp. Both towns have Second World War watchtowers along the shore. For anything more, Bethany's visitors drive to Lewes.

Neither is a place to go out, though Cape May gives you a bit more in town. It has a few long-standing pubs and hotel bars around the Washington Street Mall and the beachfront, often with a cover band in summer, before the town goes to bed around midnight.

Bethany Beach, which calls itself the Quiet Resort, has no bar district at all, and an evening there usually means a drink with dinner and a walk on the boardwalk. Anyone wanting a late night drives to the crowded beach bars of Dewey Beach, just as Cape May's night owls head to the Wildwoods.

Cape May's location sets it apart. Hawks, songbirds and monarch butterflies funnel through Cape May Point State Park and Higbee Beach in autumn, and shorebirds arrive in spring. Dolphins are almost guaranteed on summer boat trips, with whales in the cooler months.

Bethany Beach is a low barrier island suited to gentler days: paddleboarding on the Inland Bays, fishing at Indian River Inlet, and herons and ospreys over the marsh. Its best outing is the wild ponies on Assateague Island, under an hour south. Both are completely flat.

The choice of outings is similar, and the same ferry links them across Delaware Bay. From Bethany Beach the trips run along a chain of small places: historic Lewes, Victorian Berlin, Chincoteague's island village and Dover's colonial green, with Cape May itself a ferry ride away.

From Cape May you can do the ferry in reverse to Lewes, go to the boardwalk at the Wildwoods or the casinos of Atlantic City, and spend lazy afternoons at county wineries. Philadelphia, with Independence Hall, is the one major heritage city within reach, but it makes a long and tiring day.

Both are classic family resorts with guarded beaches and safe, slow streets, but the days look different. Bethany Beach is the simpler of the two: beach, bikes, crabbing and free family evenings at the bandstand. It has no zoo or aquarium, and for rides you go to Rehoboth or Ocean City.

Cape May has more ready-made outings: dolphin boats, the lighthouse climb, the nature centre and the free county zoo twenty minutes north. Families should note that some B&Bs in the historic district do not take small children, so a rental house is usually the better choice.

Cape May is the easier place to manage without a car. The historic district, the promenade and the pedestrian mall are all a short flat walk from one another, and a summer trolley and shuttle fill the gaps.

Bethany Beach is also walkable from beach to shops, but its supermarkets, many restaurants and every day trip are out on the coast highway, which is heavily congested on summer weekends. Neither has a rail link, so you will most likely arrive by car.

Bethany Beach's own shops are a short row of surf, gift and beach-reading bookshops, so serious shopping means a drive. About half an hour north, the outlet malls outside Rehoboth Beach draw buyers from across the region, and Delaware's tax-free shopping makes them more tempting.

Cape May keeps its shopping in town and on foot. The pedestrian Washington Street Mall has independent boutiques, bookshops, kitchen stores and Victorian-themed gifts, with antique dealers and galleries in the side streets. That fills a rainy afternoon, though there are no big-name labels.

Both are expensive at the height of summer, but Bethany Beach is easier on the budget. Most visitors rent a house or condo by the week and cook for themselves, beach access is free and there is no sales tax.

Cape May has more ways to add to the bill: Victorian B&Bs with minimum stays, a beach tag for every bather, metered parking and dinners priced like a big city. Many visitors save by sleeping in the Wildwoods and coming in for the day. Both towns are much cheaper outside July and August.

Cape May has a real theatre scene for a small town. A professional company plays a long season in a converted church, and another stages historic American drama. In late spring and early summer a chamber music festival with a long history fills the churches, and summer concerts are held in Convention Hall on the promenade.

In Bethany Beach, live performance means free cover bands and brass groups at the bandstand, with people listening from blankets on the grass. For theatre you go to Rehoboth's small community stage.

For rest, both towns rely on a slow pace rather than treatments. Neither has thermal waters, and only a handful of places offer massages. Bethany Beach's leafy residential streets fall almost silent in spring and autumn, which suits a week of reading, sleeping and long walks on the sand.

Cape May's calm is more of a ritual: rocking chairs on Victorian porches, afternoon tea in guesthouse parlours, sunsets over the bay, and day spas at a few hotels. Its summer weekends are busy rather than serene, so if rest is the point, come in the shoulder seasons.