Cape May or Rehoboth Beach?

Both towns give you the same kind of beach day: a long lifeguarded strip of sand in front of the promenade or boardwalk, and an August sea warm enough for proper swims. The real difference is in where the quieter sand is. At Cape May you go to the calmer beaches at the Point, or to Sunset Beach on the bay to hunt for quartz "diamonds".

Rehoboth's wide pale sand runs into the dune country of Cape Henlopen to the north and Delaware Seashore State Park to the south, which feels wilder and less hemmed in. For bigger and livelier beaches, Cape May visitors drive up to the Wildwoods.

The two eat about equally well, but they taste of different things. Cape May is a working fishing port, so you get scallops, flounder and local oysters, from dockside shacks to dining rooms in restored Victorian houses. Breakfast on a veranda is part of a stay there.

Rehoboth's long role as Washington's summer escape has given it a few more chef-led kitchens. It also has the Mid-Atlantic crab tradition of steamed blue crabs and crab cakes, and a stronger craft-beer culture. In both towns many kitchens close or cut their hours out of season.

Here Cape May is far ahead, because the town itself is the attraction. It is a National Historic Landmark district of painted-lady guesthouses and porch-fronted hotels, with the Emlen Physick Estate to tour inside and the lighthouse and a wartime fire-control tower out at the Point.

Rehoboth has some old cottages left from its Methodist camp-meeting beginnings, plus the Rehoboth Art League's gardens and galleries in Henlopen Acres, and that is about all. Visitors there who are curious about history usually drive to Lewes, or take the ferry across to Cape May's streets.

Rehoboth Beach has much the better nightlife. Its long history as an LGBTQ resort shows in the piano lounges, drag nights and sociable bars around Baltimore Avenue. Dewey Beach, a couple of miles south, adds big outdoor deck bars and loud weekends for a younger crowd.

Evenings in Cape May are a hotel bar, a pub with a cover band near the pedestrian mall, or simply a porch. The town is quiet by midnight, and anyone wanting more drives up to the Wildwoods. Neither town really has clubs.

Both landscapes are flat and coastal, but Cape May has the stronger draw. It sits at the meeting of ocean and bay on one of North America's great migration routes, so autumn brings hawks and monarch butterflies through Cape May Point State Park and Higbee Beach. Boats look for dolphins in summer and whales in the cooler months.

Rehoboth's outdoors is more about doing things than watching wildlife. You can climb the tall dunes at Cape Henlopen, cycle the Junction and Breakwater Trail to Lewes, or paddle on the sheltered inland bays. The wild ponies of Assateague are about an hour away.

The Delaware Bay ferry links the two towns, so each makes a day trip from the other. Rehoboth is better placed for days out, though. Lewes, Delaware's oldest town, is ten minutes away, and from there the ferry reaches Cape May's Victorian streets. Ocean City, Berlin, Dover and Chincoteague are all within a drive.

From Cape May the choices are the Wildwoods next door, Atlantic City an hour up the coast, and Philadelphia's museums, which are a long and tiring day at a little under two hours each way. From both towns, almost every outing needs a car.

Both are long-established family resorts with safe, slow streets and lifeguarded sand. They differ in the kind of fun on offer. Rehoboth has rides right on its boardwalk at Funland, a small amusement park, with a water park and mini-golf just outside town.

A Cape May family day is more about surrey bikes on the promenade, crabbing on the bay, dolphin boats and the free county zoo. For rides you drive to the Wildwoods. Note too that some of the historic B&Bs do not take small children.

Once you are there, both towns are flat, compact and easy on foot or by bike, and neither has a train. Rehoboth has slightly better links beyond the centre: a cycle trail runs on to Lewes, and a trolley and local buses reach Dewey Beach, the outlets and the park-and-ride lots.

Cape May sits at the very tip of a peninsula. Most visitors arrive down the Garden State Parkway or on the ferry from Delaware, and they need a car for the Point, the zoo and the wineries. Parking is a headache in both towns in summer.

Rehoboth is the better place to shop, thanks to Delaware's lack of sales tax. Its big outlet centres on the highway draw shoppers from several states, and downtown and the boardwalk add independent boutiques, galleries and bookshops.

In Cape May, shopping means an hour or two of browsing on the three-block Washington Street Mall. You will find fudge and taffy, a few antique dealers and Victorian-themed gift shops, but no chain brands or outlets.

Cape May costs more, and the extras add up. Its Victorian B&Bs and oceanfront hotels often set minimum stays, and you also pay for a seasonal beach tag and for parking. Many people looking for a cheaper week stay in the Wildwoods and come down for the day.

Rehoboth's rooms are still expensive in high summer, but the beach is free and shopping is tax-free, which softens the bill. In either town, prices drop sharply in spring and autumn.

Neither town is a reason to travel for performance, but their programmes differ. Cape May leans towards serious theatre: a professional company works in a converted church, another stages historic American drama, and a chamber music festival with decades of history fills churches with recitals in late spring.

Rehoboth's offering is lighter. It has free bandstand concerts on summer evenings, musicals and cabaret from a small local company, and an autumn film festival. For bigger touring acts, people drive to a pavilion further south.

Cape May rests in an old-fashioned way: rocking chairs on Victorian porches, afternoon tea in guesthouse parlours and sunsets watched over the bay. A few guesthouses add day spas for a massage.

Rehoboth's quiet is more active and outdoors. Think of an empty boardwalk in September, bike rides under the pines and a class at one of the yoga studios. Neither town has a bathing tradition, and in both, high summer is too busy for real calm, so come in the shoulder season.