Addis Ababa or Kigali?

Both cities are landlocked highland capitals, and in both a swim means a hotel pool. The lakes nearby are different, though. Addis Ababa's crater lakes at Bishoftu, about an hour away, have resorts for a weekend by the water, but you don't go there to bathe.

From Kigali, Lake Muhazi is good for a lakeside lunch or a boat trip. The real sand is on Lake Kivu at Rubavu, three hours away, which makes a proper overnight lake break possible.

Addis Ababa is a real food destination. Injera comes with doro wat, sizzling tibs or kitfo, and on fasting days with spreads that happen to be vegan. Tej honey wine is poured in traditional houses, and the coffee ceremony takes place in the country the plant comes from. Its weakness is range, since there is little beyond Ethiopian and Italian cooking.

Kigali's own food is plainer: bean and plantain buffets at lunch, then goat brochettes with cold beer in the evening. The diplomatic community brings more international variety, and the speciality coffee in Kiyovu is excellent. Still, few people choose Kigali for its food.

Neither city has an old town, but Addis Ababa has far more to see. The National Museum with Lucy, the Ethnological Museum in Haile Selassie's palace, Menelik's palace compound, the Holy Trinity and St George's cathedrals and the Red Terror Martyrs' Memorial together span the empire, the church and the Derg years.

Kigali's sightseeing centres on the Genocide Memorial at Gisozi, a carefully made and deeply affecting museum, plus the Campaign Against Genocide Museum and Kandt House. Add an afternoon in the Kacyiru and Kimihurura galleries and you have seen most of it.

Addis Ababa has the livelier nights. Bole's lounges, rooftops and clubs fill late at weekends, while Kazanchis and Piazza have rougher local bars, and the best evenings are built around live music. Kigali's nights are more orderly: brochettes and beer under open skies, a rooftop drink over the lit hills, then clubs in Kimihurura or Nyarutarama on Fridays and Saturdays. Both go quiet on weeknights.

There is little between them, but the outdoors works differently in each. In Addis Ababa, the Entoto hills rise behind the city, and further out you can reach the old juniper forest of Menagesha Suba and the Blue Nile gorge near Debre Libanos, where geladas graze the cliff edges. The trouble is getting out through the traffic.

Kigali is greener within the city itself, with the walk up Mount Kigali and the boardwalks through the Nyandungu wetland. It also has big game within a long day, at Akagera.

Addis Ababa has the longer list of outings. North of the city are the holy monastery of Debre Libanos and the Portuguese Bridge. To the south, a single road takes in Tiya's UNESCO stelae, the rock-hewn church of Adadi Mariam and the prehistoric site at Melka Kunture, with the Bishoftu lakes for a gentler day.

From Kigali, the essential trip is to the memorial churches at Nyamata and Ntarama, about an hour away. Nyanza's royal compound with its long-horned cattle is the other option. After that, Huye and Lake Kivu need overnight stays.

With children, the difference lies less in what there is to do than in how much each day takes out of everyone. In Kigali, outings stay simple: the central districts can be walked, a ride to the next ridge is quick, and the city's calm keeps a day out from becoming a test of patience. Addis Ababa asks more. The sights are far apart with traffic jams in between, the footpaths are hard going for small legs, and the thin air leaves young children flagging until they adjust.

What each city gives children is modest and works differently. In Addis, the lions in the palace park and the open slopes of Entoto are close to the centre and easy to fit into a morning. Kigali's best family outing is a whole day watching elephants and hippos at Akagera, which is a bigger adventure but only right for children who can manage the drive. Addis also needs more care over what children eat, so for a family Kigali is the more restful place to spend a few days.

Kigali is easier to get around. Its central districts have good pavements that are safe to walk, licensed moto-taxis with numbered vests and spare helmets are everywhere, and traffic is light, so rides are short even across the deep valleys.

Addis Ababa spreads over hills with its sights far apart. Its light rail misses most of them, and the minibuses are hard to use without help. In practice you rely on ride-hailing apps, taxis or a driver, and rush hour slows everything down.

Addis Ababa has more to buy and a far bigger market. Merkato is a vast maze of spice, basket and metalwork districts, best explored with a guide. The weavers at Shiro Meda sell white cotton shawls, and silver and brass Orthodox crosses are sold around Piazza.

Kigali's buys are smaller and more crafted: lidded agaseke baskets, geometric imigongo panels and kitenge cloth from Kimironko, which the tailors there make into clothes within days. Neither city has luxury shopping.

Both cities are cheap if you live locally and expensive at the top end, but Addis Ababa stretches a budget further. Injera, macchiatos, minibuses and museum entry cost very little. Comfortable international hotels and the restaurants in Bole are where the money goes.

Kigali's buffets, brochettes and moto-taxis are also inexpensive, and the Genocide Memorial is free. Its tourist end costs more, though, and park fees and gorilla permits can take over the whole budget.

Addis Ababa is far ahead here. In the azmari bets of Kazanchis, singers improvise verses to the one-stringed masinko and often tease the foreigners in the room. Ethio-jazz, the music born in the city in the 1960s and 70s, still plays live in a few clubs, and cultural restaurants stage eskista dancing over dinner. Hager Fikir is one of Africa's oldest theatres.

Kigali's highlight is intore dance, with leaping drummers and warriors. You will only see it on certain nights or at festivals, since there is no regular programme of performances.

The two are level here, and in both the hotel spas do most of the work. What differs is where you find calm. Addis Ababa has a bathing heritage in the simple Filwoha hot-spring cubicles and weekend resorts at Bishoftu, but the city itself is loud. Kigali has no bathing tradition, but its quiet, clean, green streets make rest come easily without leaving town.