Bethany Beach or Virginia Beach?

For the beach itself there is little to choose between them: both have a wide strip of pale Atlantic sand, lifeguards in summer and a boardwalk behind. The difference is scale. Bethany's beach is a single quiet stretch in front of a small town. Virginia Beach has about three miles of Oceanfront lined with hotel towers, surfing by the fishing pier and more people on the sand.

Each has calm water for toddlers away from the surf. At Bethany that means the Inland Bays, and at Virginia Beach the Chesapeake shore near First Landing. Virginia Beach also has Sandbridge, a quieter stretch of dunes, while Bethany has the empty sands of Delaware Seashore State Park and Fenwick Island close by. The water off Virginia Beach is a touch warmer through the season.

In both places, eating out means crab, but Virginia Beach offers more to explore. It adds Lynnhaven oysters and she-crab soup, the dockside places around the bay serve the day's catch, and Town Center has some more polished dining.

Bethany's own choice is small and seasonal: steamed crabs on paper, fried clams, boardwalk fries and taffy. For anything wider you drive to Rehoboth, just as Virginia Beach diners drive to Norfolk. Bethany's summer farm stands, with their corn and peaches, are a real pleasure if you are cooking in a rental.

Virginia Beach has more to see, though neither is a sightseeing destination. Cape Henry, where the Jamestown colonists first landed, the 1792 lighthouse, the colonial Thoroughgood House and a small contemporary art museum give you a few good hours.

Bethany has its carved totem pole, a small local history collection and the Second World War watchtowers along the shore. That will fill an afternoon at most.

There is a real gap here. Virginia Beach has a proper summer scene along Atlantic Avenue and the boardwalk, with beach bars, rooftop decks and sports bars full of vacationers and sailors, plus quieter cocktail lounges at Town Center.

Bethany has no bar district at all, and evenings end after dinner. Anyone wanting a late night drives to Dewey Beach or Ocean City.

Both sit on flat coastal land with no hills, but Virginia Beach has more space to explore. First Landing's trails wind through maritime forest and cypress swamp, and at Back Bay and False Cape you can walk or cycle to long empty shoreline. Kayaking out to watch the dolphins is a summer highlight.

Around Bethany the outdoors is gentler: paddling the Inland Bays, crabbing off the docks and birdwatching for ospreys and herons. Its standout is the wild ponies of Assateague, under an hour away.

Virginia Beach has the outing that Bethany cannot match: Colonial Williamsburg, Jamestown and Yorktown, all about an hour's drive away. Norfolk's battleship and art museum are closer still, and Kitty Hawk on the Outer Banks makes a longer day.

From Bethany the trips are pleasant but small in scale. You can visit the historic port of Lewes, take the ferry across the bay to Victorian Cape May, walk Berlin's main street or see the colonial green in Dover.

Both are built around families, but Virginia Beach gives children more to do. It has the Virginia Aquarium, with sea turtles and otters, a water park in town, and a large amusement park near Williamsburg within the hour.

Bethany is smaller and simpler: a guarded beach, bike rides, crabbing and free concerts at the bandstand, with boardwalk rides a drive away. It has no big attraction of its own, but its size makes it very easy with young children.

Bethany is the easier place to be without a car once you arrive. The whole town is small and flat, so your rental, the beach and the shops are all a short walk or bike ride apart, and a seasonal bus runs to the nearby resorts.

At Virginia Beach, only the Oceanfront strip works on foot or by the summer trolley. Sandbridge, First Landing and Town Center are spread across the suburbs and need a car. You will need to drive in both for outings, and summer traffic is heavy in each.

Neither town is worth a trip for its shops, but they differ in kind. Bethany has a short row of surf shops, gift stores and bookshops, and the large outlet malls outside Rehoboth are a short drive north, with no sales tax in Delaware.

Virginia Beach has suburban shopping instead: a regional mall, chain stores at Town Center, and Oceanfront surf shops with long local roots.

Virginia Beach is the more forgiving on the wallet. It has far more hotel rooms to choose from, and the beach, boardwalk and state parks cost little, though running a car adds up.

Bethany is mostly weekly beach-house rentals near the ocean, which cost a great deal in July and August, and it has only a handful of hotels. Going in June or September, cooking for yourself and the lack of sales tax all help.

Both towns put on free music by the boardwalk on summer evenings, and at Bethany that is nearly the whole story. There is no theatre or concert hall in town, so the bandstand is where you hear live music. Rehoboth's small community theatre and its autumn jazz festival are a short drive north.

Virginia Beach has proper venues of its own. The performing arts centre at Town Center and a large outdoor amphitheatre bring touring rock and country acts through the summer, and Norfolk, half an hour away, adds opera, a symphony orchestra and a spring arts festival. If a real concert or a night at the theatre matters on your trip, Virginia Beach is the better choice.

Neither town has spas worth travelling for, so the difference is in the mood. Bethany is quiet all year, with leafy residential streets and an evening boardwalk where you mostly hear the surf.

Virginia Beach has more hotel spas, but in high summer the Oceanfront is crowded and noisy, and the calm comes only in early mornings or the spring and autumn months.