Bethany Beach or Wilmington?

For beaches the two are level, but they are set up very differently. Bethany Beach is the beach. One wide strip of pale sand runs the length of the town, a short walk from almost every rental, and the guarded main stretch is the centre of daily life.

Wilmington gives you a choice of three beach towns rather than one: polished Wrightsville with its fishing pier, casual Carolina Beach with a boardwalk, and quieter Kure Beach. The water is warmer and the season longer. You pay for that with a drive from the city and a hunt for parking on summer weekends.

Both towns eat from the sea, but in different ways. In Bethany Beach eating out is more a summer ritual than a dining scene: you crack crabs at shared tables and finish the beach day with fries and ice cream, from a short list of places that mostly open only in season. Farm stands inland add sweet corn and peaches in high summer, but for a wider choice of restaurants or a local craft beer you drive north to Rehoboth Beach.

Wilmington eats better, because it is a year-round city with its own catch and its own cooking. Shrimp and oysters come from local waters, and eastern North Carolina's vinegar-sauced whole-hog barbecue is a regional tradition Bethany has nothing to match. The strength is depth in Southern and seafood cooking rather than variety: a few modern Southern restaurants downtown, little international food and not much fine dining.

Wilmington has far more to see. Blocks of antebellum and Victorian houses under live oaks, the Bellamy Mansion and Burgwin-Wright House, and the old Cotton Exchange tell the story of a Southern trading port, including the enslaved labour behind its wealth.

Both towns have a Second World War link, but on very different scales. Bethany Beach has its concrete coastal watchtowers, while Wilmington has a whole battleship moored across the river. Apart from the towers, Bethany offers its carved totem pole and a small collection on its church-camp origins, and serious sightseeing means driving elsewhere.

Wilmington is the one for going out. Downtown bars, rooftop terraces and pubs around Front Street fill up at weekends, helped by the university's students, and the beach towns add casual bars in summer.

Bethany Beach deliberately has none of this. Evenings are a boardwalk stroll and a drink with dinner, and the late-night beach bars are a 20-minute drive away in Dewey Beach.

Both are flat, watery coastlines, but Wilmington's offers a little more. Masonboro Island, reachable only by boat or kayak, is excellent for paddling and birdwatching, and the pine savanna of Carolina Beach State Park is one of the only places on earth where the Venus flytrap grows wild. Offshore and pier fishing are part of everyday life.

Bethany Beach is gentler: kayaking and crabbing on the shallow Inland Bays, ospreys over the marsh and flat cycle paths. Its best outing is Assateague Island to the south, with wild ponies grazing among the dunes.

The day trips are equally good, and both lists feature a ferry. From Bethany Beach the outings are close together: historic Lewes, the bigger resorts on either side, Victorian Berlin, and the boat across Delaware Bay to Cape May.

Wilmington's best day heads south through the Fort Fisher earthworks and Brunswick Town ruins to Southport, then by ferry to car-free Bald Head Island. Its other highlights, New Bern and Beaufort, are around two hours away.

Both work well for families, in different ways. Bethany Beach is a self-contained routine of guarded beach, bikes, crabbing and free bandstand evenings, all within walking distance in a small, quiet town. It has no aquarium or zoo, however, and child-focused places close after summer.

Wilmington has more for a wet day: the aquarium at Fort Fisher, the decks of the battleship, a children's museum and the rides at Carolina Beach. Each of them is a drive, though.

Neither works without a car, but the car matters at different moments. In Bethany Beach it is needed to arrive and for outings. The beach, shops and rental are all a walk or bike ride apart, so many families leave it parked all week.

In Wilmington the walkable part is downtown and the riverwalk. The beaches lie 15km or more away across suburban roads, so the car comes out daily.

There is little to choose between them for shopping. Bethany's own shops are beach boutiques and surf stores, but the large outlet malls outside Rehoboth Beach, with Delaware's tax-free shopping, are within easy reach. Wilmington is better for browsing, with independent boutiques, galleries and antique dealers along Front Street and in the restored Cotton Exchange.

Wilmington is the cheaper of the two, especially outside summer, when city hotel rooms are reasonable and casual seafood and barbecue are fair value. A hire car is a cost you will rarely avoid there.

Bethany Beach is built around weekly beach-house rentals, which are expensive in July and August, and there are few hotels. June and September are much kinder, and self-catering and the lack of sales tax help.

Wilmington has a real performing arts scene for its size. Thalian Hall, a restored 19th-century opera house, has a full programme, a larger centre hosts touring musicals, and in the warmer months bands play outdoor stages by Greenfield Lake, with long-running jazz and blues festivals.

In Bethany Beach the only stage is the boardwalk bandstand, which has free summer concerts by cover bands and brass groups, with the audience sitting on blankets.

Neither has a spa or bathing tradition, and both rely on a slow pace. Wilmington has more for anyone who wants treatments, with resort spas near the beaches and yoga studios in town.

Bethany's appeal is the quiet itself: leafy residential streets, a boardwalk where the surf is the main sound, and a spring and autumn hush that suits reading and long walks.